Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
