At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
