I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
