do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
