So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
