Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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