Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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