I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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