What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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