You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
