And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
