my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
