i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
