i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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