he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
