He is an equal opportunity slut.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
