I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
