HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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