He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FUCK WHALES
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
