You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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