just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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