he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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