i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
