Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize