Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
