It's like God shit irony all over that family
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize