I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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