i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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