i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is it penis luge time yet?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
