My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
