It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
