You just made me feel so damn special
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
