Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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