There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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