OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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