They should really pass out barf bags in church
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
