Who wears a wallet chain?!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
