just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am midnight drunk by noon
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
