if you like me you must not know who I am
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize