your parents love me but you hate me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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