Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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