People in love make me want to vomit
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
