omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
