You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
