Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
