Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
