if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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