it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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