I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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