Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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