I wanna bring you to show and tell
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
