I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
