Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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