i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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