you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
