he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
