you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize