She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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