i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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