I want to walk on stilts...naked
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
