He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
