I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
