I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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