I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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