can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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